Michael Stark

Michael Stark on Dan

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I had a hard time writing about Dan. This in itself indicates how important he was to me. I know hundreds of people feel like me. He will communicate with all of us. 

I still well remember my first encounter with Dan. I had two roles. One to be the head coach of the men's tennis team in Binghamton, and at the same time, the owner and manager of the Binghamton Tennis Center. I was on the field when someone from the team came and told me I had a call from Israel. I usually do not leave the pitch in the middle of a workout, but I am told that the call is urgent and gives the impression that the caller is stressed.
 
I ran to the phone all panting, I say hello, and on the other side I hear: "This is the third time I'm calling you, why are you not coming back to me?".
I replied that I was not aware of the previous conversations, all to advance the conversation between us. Dan told me in reasonable and somewhat faltering English that he had served in the Israeli army and therefore did not play tennis for a certain period, but he was an Israeli champion at the age of 18.

Since I always got a lot of such calls from tennis players who among other things inflated their accomplishments, I went into a little more detail with him. And Dan did not let go. He literally shouted on the phone: "I was No. 1 in the country! No. 1!. My answer was," So, I'm very proud to recruit you. "I started trying to raise for Dan the best scholarship I could. Already quite familiar with him, even though we have never actually met.

Even though Dan played for my team for only two years, it felt like a lifetime and we developed a coach, player and friend relationship. Dan came to campus as a man for everything, not as a child. A 23-year-old man who served two and a half years out of three in the Israeli army in the special forces, whose missions included capturing and eliminating suicide bombers who were "in fashion" at the time. His teammates and classmates were spoiled young 18-year-olds whose main goal in life was to get as drunk as possible and find a student to sleep with. There is no doubt that they were much more successful in the first task ...

But Dan broke that pattern. Dan had the ability to assimilate, be tolerant and embracing within this American culture and at the same time positively influence his teammates without spoiling and while introducing himself into our lives and enjoying every moment. Dan was the first and only first-year student ever to receive a permit to live off-campus. Luckily for me, my sister Sandra was the administrative director of the campus recruits at the time. Dan's persuasiveness and decisiveness prevailed and he resides with two other of his teammates on an off-campus apartment.

On the field, Dan's influence was even greater. Our No. 1 player then moved to Columbia University (something that was pretty much repeated ...) and as Dan said, "Coach, I have broad shoulders, I'll fill his shoes."

Dan joined the team as captain as early as the first year, and that too was something that had never happened before. It was not acceptable to appoint a student captain in the first year. But Dan was not everyone. It is not every year that a 23-year-old captain lands in the group, who was No. 1 in the youth in his homeland and also served in the special forces in the Israeli army ... 

Dan's game was a bit rusty and it took a while to get him back in shape after not touching the bat for 3 years. I had patience. More patience than Dan himself had, and he appreciated it. I knew Dan was special, and I had complete confidence and confidence in his game and in his heart.

At our first fall competition I sat on the field. Dan was excited and I felt I had the ability to calm him down. This is the role of a coach. I think even then I won his trust and we became an excellent coach / player team. The exchanges between us were endless and special. I can not remember them all, but I listened to him, encouraged him, listened to him again, and then I had the last word. Being two "alpha" men we argued quite a bit and were in a kind of war, but to Dan's credit - he always listened and made the necessary changes.

Dan always brought the Israeli flag on the field and placed it in exactly the same way on the back of his chair. As a Jew myself, I have always felt a special excitement with the Israeli flag on my back.
 
Dan was a star. Literally. He played No. 1 in singles and doubles throughout his stay with us. He led the team like no one had done before and played with heart and soul that were greater than his abilities, and these were quite a few.

Dan was without a doubt the best player I have ever had. But what stood out most was his relationship with me and his teammates. Under Dan's leadership, we won the Oriental title twice and qualified twice for the NCAA competition  Level 1.
Dan caused a change in the group's culture and raised it to another level. After his sophomore year, Dan moved to Brown University and the Ivy League where he played No. 1 in singles and doubles and led his team, The Bears, to two more NCAA titles.

Dan's move to Brown was another critical moment. The challenge of moving to a more difficult and prestigious league than ours and winning at no cost, was something I could not help but give Dan. I could not reach a decision other than the one that led me to release him. This was not the first time either. I had "Deja Vu". Twice in three years I have released players to the Ivy League.

Dan left with my blessing and consent and I knew he truly and sincerely appreciated my support and understanding. The other coaches who worked with me and also the management people thought Dan was unfaithful. But I explained to them that Dan's most important loyalty when it came to his college career was to himself. I explained to them that Dan was a very loyal person, and that our relationship would not be harmed.
 
Years later Dan called me, informed me that he had proposed to Sasha and was about to get married in Israel. He invited me and my family to his wedding. I traveled with my daughter to one of the most memorable trips and weddings ever.

Our friendship continued until the day he died. On his 36th birthday Dan called me and complained about how old he felt. He did not get to celebrate 37.

Dan's loss affected me greatly. It was like losing an actor, a son, a friend and a colleague - all together.
Until this moment, it does not really settle down for me and there are not many days when I do not think about Dan, Sasha, Omri and Mika. Even in writing these words I feel like in war. I miss Dan with all my heart, and can not even imagine how hard it is for his family.
I'm sure there is no one who will not write or tell about Dan and not say what I also feel.
We were deeply connected. We were a family for life.

The pain. The pain is constantly here.

I went through a lot of experiences with Dan. It's going to take a lifetime to tell everyone, but there are some I owe ...

Sometime while training our first fall together, an eccentric person came from the street and interrupted our training. This is America. Such things happen here. Should be ignored and move on. But does not discuss. He threatened the man not to dare say another word. But the disturbed man went on of course.
This was not my first encounter with the man. I have previously called on campus security to take care of it. But Dan had his own treatment protocol. He wanted to beat and murder the man. I had to stand between them and stop him. I felt his physical and mental strength, and suddenly I realized that I was trying to stop a killer ... I must have gone crazy.

It was one of those moments in life that you say to yourself - what am I doing? ... Dan stepped back, still screaming at him when the campus security staff arrived in the area. I calmed things down and we went back to practice. All members of the group now know that this Israeli is watching over us. No one messes with us, and we keep it. We are all guarantors of each other. 
And something else ... this Israeli is a little crazy ... it was a defining moment.

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Dan and I talked quite a bit about the dynamics in the group. He often invited me to his apartment especially after games against Cornell.
I told the team we were going to lose 0-7 to them - and that's exactly what happened. I was not happy then with our preparations for the game against them and they were just better. Dan asked me never to say again that we were going to lose to someone.  It's bad for the mood he told me and it destroys all hope.
I promised him not to do it anymore and in return I asked him to help me with his teammates. As usual we reached a deal between us and it helped us in an unusual way down the road. It was another defining moment.

On one of the trips to an away game, teammates started harassing Dan and making fun of his girlfriend Sasha, something that was of course forbidden to do. Dan sat next to me as usual in the captain's chair in the car. He warned Pessi not to say another word. But Pessi of course did not grasp the threat and went on.
Dan said: As soon as the vehicle stops I will hit you if you do not shut up. We have reached our destination. Dan got off first and stood in the doorway of the vehicle. Everyone came out except for the stripes. He asked me if Dan was serious and if I would defend him. I told Pessi that Dan was in special forces and on my dead body I bet.
Stripes come out and the whole thing shakes. Dan blocked him and talked to him for three minutes. One-sided conversation. I look down, from the driver's seat, and in doing so I basically confirm the confrontation between them. I do not know what was said. All I know is that Pessi never said another word out of place to Dan or him. He acquired infinite respect for him. 

In the second year we went to an away game against Bonaventure. Dan woke up early and I saw that something was wrong with him. He told me that one of his best friends in the army had been killed in action the night before and he was not sleeping. I try to convince him not to play but he refuses to sit on the bench. He failed to put a ball on the field but he respected his friend. Although the play was difficult, allowing Dan to play was the right thing to do.

When Dan got excited his usual voice rose by half an octave at every third word. It was hysterical. The more enthusiastic he is, the worse it gets, and I kind of encouraged it (what sad things a coach does not do to have fun ...). I enjoyed doing it mostly around Sasha (I was allowed to).
Dan told me from the first moment that he would propose to Sasha and he would invite me to his wedding and that I would come too. The things he said were always said as facts.
I would answer him: "Dan, Sasha is really a different league. You will never have the courage in life. She will say no" and other such sentences ... Dan knew it was a joke between us and was still very excited.

As always Dan kept his word he proposed and married Sasha, and I was present at his wedding in Caesarea with my daughter Eli. 

When Dan played this game it was a war, but he always remained a gentleman in front of his opponents and was a decent athlete. I remember more than once when his opponent made a wrong call, Dan would say to him "Why would you do such a thing?" "I only read decent readings and I will not lie to you back. This is not the way to play."
He would literally embarrass the opponent who did it and "educate" him to do the right thing.

In the second year we had a meeting with "Colombia" in which No. 1 player who was previously on our team, Ashkai, played. Dan and Ashkai were friends and knew each other from Dan's early visits before he moved in with us. They almost played the same team together and on the same occasion had to play against each other. It was the game everyone wanted to see. While Ashkai was not really happy with the task, Dan was enthusiastic. Dan won the first set easily and led in the second, then he made a double error in the serve at 40-30. Ashkai did not read Dan's ball outside. Dan insisted that Ashkai take the point and lost the game. It was Dan. He won the game 1-6, 4-6. It was also part of Dan. Loyal to his team at all costs.

When Dan played a particularly good point he would shout "forward".  It was inspiring and also insanely cute. The tough Israeli from the special forces shouts loudly on the field. I died for it. I close my eyes and still hear his scream ...

Dan played doubles with Steve Spencer of Florida, who was talented, wild and cunning. They were a good duo and became good friends. Dan taught Steve some basic words in Hebrew and they were able to exchange messages intermittently on the field without interruption. We played against the tough rival "Stony Brock", where another Israeli played - Tal Meir. Dan and Steve went on their own until Steve suddenly grasped the situation and said to Dan - Tal understands everything !. Dan's look at that moment cannot be restored nor forgotten. I could not stop laughing.

Dan Hanegby - Michael Stark

Instead of writing just thoughts on Dan, I thought I would offer true reflections of experiences. I apologize for the length and form feel free to trim as much as needed

I still have a vivid recollection of my 1st encounter with Dan. I had duo duties, being the Head Men's Tennis coach at Binghamton University and also owner / manager at the Binghamton Tennis Center. I was on court teaching at BTC when staff interrupted me that I had a phone call from Israel. I normally never leave the court but was told the call was urgent and the person seemed a bit distressed. I come husting off, say hello and the 1st response I get is: 'this is the 3rd time I've called you, why haven't you called me back! ”. I reply that I was not aware of these calls just to get the conversation rolling. Dan is informing me with reasonably decent but halting English that he served in the special forces of the military and had not played tennis in some time, but was the national junior winner of something  when he was 18. Getting calls all the time from recruits who exaggerate their accomplishments, I start to pry into the detail, when Dan exasperated, screams out I was ranked # 1 in the nation, I was # 1 !! My reply "it will be my honor then to recruit you".

I engaged in a full court recruiting press and came up with the best scholarship offer I could. By the time Dan arrived on campus I felt we already knew each other pretty well in spite of the fact that we had not yet met. While Dan ended up only playing two years for me, it seemed like a lifetime, and we developed as strong a coach / player / friend relationship possible. Dan arrived on campus a man, not a boy. A 23 year old adult who spent 2 ½ of his 3 years serving in the Israeli Special Forces, whose tasks included capturing or eliminating Palestinian suicide bombers, the bomber being an in fad thing for Palestine at the time.  His fellow teammates / classmates were 18 year old, green wide eyed spoiled Americans whose main goal was to get as drunk as possible with a secondary goal of finding a coed to sleep with. By and large they were much more successful with the 1st endeavor than the 2nd.  That Dan broke the mold as an incoming freshman on many levels is an understatement. Dan tolerated, embraced, and meshed in with American culture, having great effect on the team, but at the same time immersing himself into our lives, enjoying every moment. Dan was the 1st and probably only freshman who was allowed to live off campus. Fortunately, my sister Sandra was VP of Enrollment Management at the time. His powers of persuasion and determination were off the charts strong, and we settled Dan into an apartment with two other teammates.

On court, Dan made ever a larger impact. Our # 1 player transferred to Columbia University, (a recurring theme) and as Dan said “Coach I have broad shoulders, I will fill his shoes”. Dan entered as captain, another 1st. You do not make freshman captains. Then again when do you ever land a 23 year old ex # 1 in the country junior, special force army captain on your team?  Dan's tennis game took a while to come around having not played for 3 years. I was patient, more patient than Dan was, and he appreciated this. I knew Dan was special and had the utmost trust and faith in his game and heart. Our 1st fall tournament, I sat courtside. Dan was excitable, but I had a calming effect on him. That's a coach's job. I believe I gained his trust that match, and we made what I feel was a great player / coach team. Our exchanges were classic and too many to recount, but I would listen, encourage, listen again, and then have the final say. Two alpha males, we were always at a tug of war, but to his credit, he listened and made the necessary adjustments. Dan would always bring the Israeli flag on court and meticulously place on the back of his chair. Being Jewish, I always got a special thrill sitting with my back against the flag. 

Dan was a star, plain and simple. He played # 1 singles and doubles for us entire time here. He led our team like no other, and played with a heart and passion that outweighed his considerable skill. Hands down best player I ever had. But our relationship and his relationship with the team is what stands out most. Under Dan's leadership we won two America East Conference titles and made two NCAA Division 1 National appearances. Dan helped change the culture of our team and lift us to that next level. After his sophomore year, Dan transferred to Brown, an Ivy league school where he played # 1 singles / doubles and helped lead The Bears to two more NCAA titles.

Then transferring was another pivotal moment. The allure and challenge of gaining an Ivy League degree for free and playing in a tennis conference far stronger than ours was of course the only choice to make. Déjà vu for me, losing two players in three years to the IVY.  He left with my blessing and consent, and I know Dan truly appreciated my support and understanding. My fellow coaches and administrators claimed he was not being loyal. I explained to them his most important loyalty in his college career should be to himself, and that he was extremely loyal human being and our relationship would not suffer. Years later, Dan called me, announced he had proposed to Sasha and was getting married in Israel and invited myself and my family to the wedding. I went with my daughter for the most memorable wedding and trip! Our friendship continued until the day he died. I remember Dan calling me on his 36th birthday and complaining about how old he felt. He never made it to 37.

Losing Dan has a deep effect on me. It was like losing a player, son, friend and comrade all in one. To this day it does not sit well with me, and there not many days go by that I do not reflect on Dan, Sasha, Omri and Misha. Writing these words is still a struggle; I miss Dan with all my heart and cannot fathom how hard it is for his family. As with everyone who will write in this blog will say, we were deeply connected, family for life. The pain, the pain is still there. 

There are too many memories and indelible moments that would take a lifetime to convey but I will tell a few stories:

(to whoever is proof reading this feel free to discard or shorten any of these)

Early that 1st fall we had some nut case interrupt practice. Some guy wandering off the street. This is America and this shit just happens. Ignore and move on. Not Dan. He threatened this guy if he said one more word, and of course the nutcase continues on. I've already confronted this guy, called campus security following protocol but Dan comes bolting off the court having his own sense of protocol and is hot under the collar. Basically he wants to beat the shit out of this guy. I have to chest bump Dan and order him to stand back. I feel his physical and spiritual strength, and it suddenly dawns on me that I'm holding back an assassin killer! I must be nuts. One of those what am I doing moments! Dan backs off, still screaming at this guy, campus security arrives, I smooth things out and we go back to practice. Every team member gains this: This Israeli has our back, no one f… .with us, and we have his back. Stand up for each other. And this Israeli is also a bit nuts! Pivotal moment.

Dan and I would often talk about the team dynamics. He called me to come over to his apartment (frequently) after our Cornell match. I had told the team we would lose 7-0 which we did. I was not happy with our pre match preparation and Cornell was simply better. Dan implored me to NEVER say we would lose again; it was bad for morale and hope. I said in return help me get these guys more ready next time. As usual a deal was struck and this helped us immensely down the road. Another pivotal moment

On a fall road trip on of my New Yorkers started getting mouthy, picking on Dan girlfriend Sasha, a big no no. Dan was sitting as always in the captain's seat next to me in the van. He warned Fassy not to say another word or…. and of course,  Fassy a brash Freshman continues. Dan flatly states, when the van stops, I am going to beat the…. out of you and goes silent. We finally arrive at our destination and Dan hops out of the van and stands by the door. Everyone exits except Fassy. He asks me if Dan is serious and if I would go “defend” him. I tell Fassy that Dan was in the Israeli Special Forces and over my dead body was I exiting the van 1st. Fassy is shaking and exits. Dan corners Fassy for about 3 minutes and talks. One way discussion. I watch from the drivers seat, my absence giving this interaction my tacit approval. All I can say is Fassy never said another wise ass word to Dan, and had a deep deep respect for Dan. Pivotal

Sophomore year we are on the road playing St Bonaventure. Dan is awake early and I can see something is not right. He confides in me that one of his platoon mates and good friend was killed in action the night before. Dan got no sleep. I try to convince Dan not to play but he refused to sit out. He could not hit a ball in the court, but he honored his friend. While it was so painful to see what Dan was going through, allowing him to play was the right thing for Dan and we both knew why I allowed him to play.

When Dan would get excited, his normal voice would raise an octave like with every 3rd word. Hysterical. The more he got worked up, the worse it got. Of course I would feed off of this and do my best to excite him. The sad things you do as a coach for entertainment. I especially enjoyed teasing him about Sasha (I was allowed to). Dan told me from day 1 he would ask Sasha to marry him, he would invite me to his wedding, and I would attend. Stated as fact. I would reply, Sasha is way out of your league, you will never get up the nerve, she will say no, etc. would be our standing joke, but he would get exasperated and defend himself. You had to be there, slapstick comedy. True to his word, he proposed, got married to Sasha and I attended their wedding in Caesarea with my daughter Allie.

When Dan played a match it was warfare, but he was ALWAYS a gentleman to his opponent and was the fairest of sports. I remember on more than one occasion his opponent would make a bad call, and Dan would say something like, why would you do this, I give you only fair calls, I will not cheat back, this is not the way to play, almost shaming his opponent to clean up his act.

His sophomore year we scheduled Columbia, where Akshay our former # 1 had transferred to, and he, like Dan was playing # 1 singles. They knew each other and became friends when Dan visited our campus before he had made his decision to come to Binghamton. They almost played on the same team together and now they face off. This was the marquee match; all eyes on them. Akshay did not want to play against his old team, Dan was as excited as I ever seem to him to play a match. Dan won the 1st set easily, was up on the 2nd and hit a double fault at 40-30. Akshay did not call the ball out. Dan insisted Akshay take the point and lost the game. That was Dan. He won the match 6-1, 6-4. That also was Dan. Loyal to his team at all costs.

When Dan played a particularly good point, he would shout out the word Kadima. It would usually be delivered in 3 syllables, such was his excitement. It was inspiring, but also very cute. This tough grizzled Israeli special force guy squeaking in delight on the court. I loved it. I close my eyes and can still hear those words echo

Dan played doubles with Steve Spencer from Florida. Talented, wild and mischievous, they made a good doubles team & became fast friends. (pic of them already sent). Dan taught Steve a few basic tennis words in Hebrew and they would converse in code out loud. We are playing our rival StonyBrook and Tal Meir played # 1 singles / doubles for them. Tal is form Israel. Dan & Steve were doing their usual thing when suddenly in mid-set, Steve says “Shit Dan Tal can understand every word we're saying!) The look on Dan's face was priceless and I could not stop laughing.